I grew up in a Hindu family with my parents and two older brothers. My parents lived with my dad’s extended family and this was not a healthy lifestyle. We were poor with out luxuries of hot water and electricity. My mom came from a wealthy family, yet her humble nature and quiet spirit helped carry her through. I grew up worshipping the many Hindu gods and goddesses and we practiced sacrificial worship, yet I never really believed in them.

I cannot recall my mom being happy, most of the time she was ill. She had lost 3 babies, 3 boys; they all lived for a few days after birth and then died. This caused her huge grief. My dad was an alcoholic. He was a wonderful person when he was sober. When he was drunk he was verbally abusive to my mom. Despite being an alcoholic, he managed to provide for us. My brothers detested my dad because of the alcoholism. They would literally come to blows with each other. Clearly they did not respect him because of the way he treated my mom.

The most vivid memory I have is from when I was 4 years old. My mom had hot oil on the stove, I stood next to her, curious to see what she was doing. She was not aware that I was there and accidentally hit the handle of the pan. The hot oil fell over half my face scalding me. Today, I know that it was God who protected me from major scaring and saved my left eye. All I have now is one noticeable scar under my left eye, over the years the others seemed to disappear; most people think it’s a birthmark. I recall my dad being really furious with my mom and blamed her for the accident. The healing period was very traumatic – all the mirrors in our home had to be covered. I would literally scare myself when I caught a glance in the mirror. I grew up believing that no man would ever love me because of the scars on my face. Now I know better.
My life was turned upside down when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was 10 years old then. The cancer had spread into her lymph nodes and had quickly spread into her stomach and womb. This was a really painful time for us all as we watched my mom wither away over two years. I often had to help her nurse her wounds. Her suffering was great and it was painful to watch her die. So many times I had asked God to take her away as I could not bear to see her in so much pain. I was 12 years old when she died. My world fell apart. I became the mother in the home, doing everything that she did. The relationship between my brothers and my father became non-existent. I did not experience the life of a teenager; my life was centred on school, housework taking care of the family. My eldest brother married, lived with us for a few months and then moved out. High school was a challenge. I was constantly juggling my time to cook, clean and study. Despite trying circumstances I did extremely well at school. I had learnt to take pride in whatever I did. Eventually my other brother married and also moved out, leaving just my dad and me.

My brothers’ wife did everything she could to sour the relationship between my brother and myself. She had fallen pregnant and the first few months of her pregnancy was difficult. They consulted a witchdoctor who told them that I had done evil things so that she would lose her baby. They believed this and blamed me. One day my brother came to the house and threatened to shoot me with his gun (he was a policeman with the SAP). After that day he completely broke his relationship with me. It was a devastating time for me.

I despised my brothers for leaving me alone with my dad. I felt that it was unfair that I was the youngest and all responsibilities were dumped onto me. I was determined to be strong and make something of my life. My dad tried to give up drinking – he succeeded for a short period only. By this time I had matriculated and gone on to study Microbiology. I gave everything I had into my studies and so desperately wanted to make a success of my life. My dad’s health worsened and he suffered a heart attack when I was 19. I watched helplessly as he died in front of my eyes. I was devastated and felt I had nothing or no one to hold on to. Overwhelmed with fear I had no place to go to and was all the more determined to educate myself and find a job. I stayed with my eldest brother for a few months and completed my studies that December (my dad died in September of that year). When I look back now I can see that God had His hand on me. In order to complete my studies I needed to do a year of practical training. Five of us from my class went for an interview at the Umgeni Water Board in Petermaritzburg. Thank God I was given the job!

During my tertiary education I fell in love with my husband Prem (now ex-husband). I loved him dearly and made him my world. We got married at 21. I had finally found someone I could love and trust, someone who would take care of me. (So I thought). My position at the water board was temporary and after a year I had completed my term. I was without a job for 10 months but eventually found work in Johannesburg and moved up in 1990. Prem was working for Telkom in Petermaritzburg so he got a transfer to Jo’burg. After a year of marriage things started to go bad. He would disappear for days on end – I could no longer depend on him. I was lonely with no family or friends. I was drowning in the depths of depression and became suicidal. I could not even get around as I could not drive and depended on him for transport. I finally moved out and moved to a flat in Berea. His family knew that we had problems and had tried to intervene, but he was determined to have his freedom. I lived by myself for five months and was determined not to give up on this man that I loved. I fought to get him back. We reconciled, but our marriage was never the same. I lived in a fantasy world and constantly tried to deny what was happening. I clung desperately to the marriage. Two years later I gave birth to my beautiful daughter- Akira. Prem and Akira bonded immediately and often I felt like an outsider. They did everything together. I lived with a false sense of security. I felt safe because I thought he would never walk out on his darling little girl. When she was 4 years old all the old patterns started to emerge again. I knew that he had not changed. I just wanted to die. Once again I fell into a depression and entertained suicidal thoughts. I sought counselling from a psychologist who helped me deal with this ordeal. One day (in 1997) I came home early from work and found a note on the entrance hall stand. He said that he could not bear to live with me anymore, that he had stopped loving me a long time ago and that he should have left me when Akira was a baby. If it were not for my child I would have killed myself. I drew strength from my little girl, as I did not have a relationship with Jesus then. My biggest fear was that Akira would choose to live with him –
that would be my ultimate loss. The pain was unbearable.

Having lost my mom when I was so young I was desperate not to lose my only child – I would fight to keep her. I wanted her to experience the mother’s love that I was robbed of! After being separated for a year, we got divorced in December 1998. I got custody of Akira. Materially I lost much but I was so thankful that I had my child. Nothing else mattered. I lost the house and was confronted with the huge debt that he had incurred without my knowledge. I changed my lifestyle to suit my budget.

In April 2000, I was retrenched after working with a company for 10 years. I was devastated financially and really needed my job to support Akira and myself. Exactly a month later I found employment and was given the opportunity to work in a completely different field – sales! God was working on my behalf.
The pain of divorce was excruciating, our lives were filled with extreme loneliness – all we had was each other. It was during this time that my boss, Gill, became a tower of strength to me. She invited me to go to Rhema Church with her. We went with her a couple of times and we eventually felt brave enough to go by ourselves. This changed my life incredibly. I remember the one meeting when Akira and I cried uncontrollably – little did we know that the Holy Spirit was working in us. I still had many questions about Christianity and was testing the waters, but never felt guilty about wandering away from Hinduism, as it had never satisfied me. I had performed all the rituals because I was taught to do so, yet no one could explain their beliefs.

In the years of working at Estee Lauder I met Mervyn. I considered him to be very full of himself and he was always preaching about Christ his God, yet he looked so miserable. Little did I know the difficulties he was experiencing in his marriage. This man was going to impact my life in a major way, and I did not know it!
Today I am married to this incredible man Mervyn. A man with an incredible testimony and who has been through much pain himself. He loves me and always reassures me of his love. He nurtures me, affirms me and accepts me for who I am. Mervyn had agreed to marry me only if I gave my life to Jesus – I fearfully accepted this condition Seven years ago Akira and I gave our lives to God. It was the best thing we have ever done. Now, Akira and I have a wonderful, loving, enormous family at Covenant Life Church. Akira is now 15 years old and God is doing a wonderful work in her.

Everyday God is working in my life. I hear Him when He speaks to me, I have fallen in love with Him and seek His direction for my life. Being married to Mervyn was scary at first, he is so passionate about God; I felt I could not keep up with him. Often I felt like I could never do all the things he expects of me as a wife and a mother. Being a mother to Mervyns two boys is a challenge but God’s infinite grace carried me through.

In my unsaved days there was much pain and I had to persevere in my own strength. Then my accomplishments were through hard work and good luck but now I know that every good gift I receive is from Him. There are no coincidences. He knew me when He knit me together in my mother’s womb: that His plans for me are to prosper me not to harm me. Jesus has also reminded me of the seeds that were sown in my life when I was a little girl. We lived on a huge plot and twice a year two pastors would pitch up a big marquee and have meetings in there. I recall the songs we sang, “We are fishing for Jesus” and “We are building up the temple of the Lord”. Seeds were sown in those days, fell on fertile ground and some thirty years later have born fruit. When my mom was dying of cancer, there was an Indian pastor who prayed for her. We were so desperate when we saw her suffering that we tried anything people suggested to us, including have a Christian man pray for her. There were many times when she called out, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus”. Maybe I will see her in heaven one day- that will be truly amazing. We do serve a mighty God!

God has healed me from the pain of rejection and loneliness. He is repairing the relationship between my brother and myself. For almost 15 years we had not communicated. When I got married for the 1st time, he did not attend the wedding. But he attended my marriage to Mervyn. Last year he sent me a message on my birthday. This year he turned 40, so I sent him a birthday message and he responded. The reconciliation is slow yet positive.

Emotional healing is a process and I have forgiven the people that have caused me so much pain and rejection. Forgiveness brings such liberation. God is continuing His mighty work in me. During one church meeting in 2006, we sang a song with the words, “you take away the sting of death and pain” – and God spoke to me clearly. He said that I had allowed myself to be fashioned and formed by all the hardships and experiences I had been through. I had allowed myself to be moulded by my career I chose, having worked in quality field for some 13 years and have an incredible eye for detail. Everything I did had to be right first time, had to be accurate. Everyday God is revealing His Kingdom and nature to me and the more He does, the more I want to glorify Him. He speaks to me in my dreams and gives me prophetic words for other people. God has released me from the fear of dying from cancer. I know that Jesus has set me free from this curse and I no longer fear this disease.

The deepest desire of my heart is to see God reveal Himself to my two brothers, for them to be set free from Hinduism. I know that with God all things are possible and that all I need to do is pray for them and that He will do the rest. Akira prays for her dad and his family. Six years ago, when Mervyn and I got married, we were given a word that God was going to restore what the locusts had eaten. Indeed God has restored much to our children and us.

As I continue to walk with the Lord Jesus, it becomes more and more clear… that Jesus Christ is the solid rock on which I stand and all other ground is sinking sand!